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Kindness, care, desire...when the lines blur...

29 Mar, 2024

I'm my own worst enemy often, as I tend to express myself through emotion without first thinking things through......so sometimes my messages and comments can be easily misunderstood. I suppose that is my fault as I somtimes contradict myself and I can be hypocritical....I'll explain.... I have a message on my rates page stating very clearly that when a client leaves, our relationship ends. It ends because it's a professional one and I don't want any lines blurred between a client being a "professional friend" and an actual "friend" nor do I want a relationship beyond our paid one.....yet I've blurred those lines sometimes, ....and this week I lamented on twitter about how disappointed I've been that none of my regular clients had reached out to offer help, or support during these complicated and difficult times.I spoke about being disappointed at not being shown the same level of care I feel I've shown some of them, when we've been together. A couple had contacted me to say they'd be in touch, but that was all. No how are you's, do you need anything, etc, etc. from any of them...Then Sunday came.....I'll talk about that later.... I now realize that my expecting clients to show care, the way I percieve care should be shown, when the relationship we have is built on desire, secrecy and with clear boundaries, isn't realistic, nor fair, nor should I expect other people to think or feel as I do. I've choosen to be independent and to rely on myself only...so I've also confused myself by having the feelings I've expressed......Complicated I am, lol. So back to Sunday....so on Sunday and out of now where, and I say no where, because this gent who I'm so thankful to, said he didn't have an acc on twitter, and wouldn't have seen my thread to know I was hoping for someone to reach out....yet this lovely man did.... and seemingly out of the blue, I received a text from him asking if he could pre-book a session....which he did. His text made my week....his thoughtfulness touched my heart....see  we can help one another all while remaining professional.So perhaps my twitter thread wasn't inappropriate or confusing. His advanced $$ will help me and our relationship will remain the same...and when him and I meet for our date I'll return the favor with as much kindness, if not more:) .......So if he happens upon this blog ....Thank you, thank you, thank you.....your generosity and kindness will be remembered and is most appreciated.